Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Friday, February 11, 2011

Gallows Humor

Last words of executed murderers:
  • George Appel (1928): “Well, folks, you’ll soon see a baked Appel.”
  • James W. Rodgers (1960): (asked for a last request) “Why, yes — a bulletproof vest.”
  • Frederick Wood (1963): “Gentlemen, you are about to see the effects of electricity upon Wood.”
  • James French (1966): “I have a terrific headline for you in the morning: ‘French Fries’.”
  • Jimmy Glass (1987): “I’d rather be fishing.”
In 1856, English murderer William Palmer stood on the gallows and asked, “Are you sure it’s safe?”


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I just googled "RSVP"

I think one of the little facts of life is that you can google any random phrase and find a horror movie titled it.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Students of the World

I’ve come up with an analogy to describe the United States and its slipping prominence as a world power. I present it below:

America is like the popular kid in high school, and it’s almost time for graduation. He’s so chill that everyone likes him, but once he graduates, he can’t roll by on charm alone. The school geek, China, will probably take over.

To continue the analogy past the point of relevance, the jock is no doubt Russia, and China’s geeky pals are Korea and India. Canada is the cool older brother, and France is the hot senior girl. Mexico is the loud kid that no one likes but who demands acknowledgment.

If this were a TV show, I’d watch it. It could have so many hilarious political in-jokes, like America’s continuing health and energy issues. The plots could cover ancient history, like the fact that Iran legally changed his name from Persia in order to start a new life, or keep up with current events, with an episode about Egypt’s internet being down, perhaps due to Somali pirating too much.

And America’s the ultimate teenager. Sometimes you don’t know what state a teenager would be in, but this one’s got fifty states. And weight issues, too... come to think of it, maybe America should be female.