Sunday, January 24, 2010

Several unrelated things.

Fun fact: since zombies are killed with headshots, and chickens can survive without their heads, zombie chickens are invincible.

In the past few days, at a speech and debate tournament I hanged out at, (is it 'hanged out' or 'hung out'? Both sound wrong...) I've had a chance to be both a chicken and a zombie, though I don't recall being a chicken zombie.
Also, I have a second blog now. And none of you can read it. Ha ha.
And no, I haven't forgotten about the pear, I've just been really busy. I'm still busy all of this week, but I might get around to it.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Pear: Part Four

Only a day left on the poll... It's looking like I'll have to pull a Soloman, eat half, and then chuck the remains into the woods. Kind of a gruesome death, even for a pear.

Monday, January 18, 2010

The Pear: Part 3

         Well, I have decided to name my pear Lemuel. That's right, I named him. He's a happy lil pear now.

         Currently, the poll is leaning towards freeing him, but there are still a few days left, and you all are welcome to vote again if you want. I was looking forward to eating dear Lemuel, but I'm also content to chuck him back into the woods behind the house.

       Maybe I'll video tape the results...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Jolly Good Musical

A Jolly Good Musical is the actual working title of a musical that I may be writing. I might only write the songs for it, since those are the fun parts, but I'm also considering writing the whole thing and using it as a way to try to be as clever and funny in as many different ways as I possibly can.

I got the idea way back during the final round of a debate tournament several months ago. I was a little bored and decided to write out an idea that had been kicking feverishly around in my head for a while, turning it into a song. It fit best as a musical number, so I added a little introduction naming all the characters. I also decided that one of them was after a pocket watch that belonged to another of them. By the time I was done, I had a chunk of story that felt as if it were part of a screwball musical comedy. Now, this was all well and good, but unfortunately, my mind kept working on it, and ended up figuring out the rest of the plot to go with it.

Here's a synopsis that I've written of it.  Although it's subject to change, it should give a pretty good idea of what the story's like. Except it'll be funnier.

    Simon Pivett, a city boy with large, though decidedly materialistic, dreams, is in search of the Earnheart fortune, a treasure said to have been hidden somewhere in the town of Hufflebump by Old Captain Earnheart the pirate. After finding a clue that the secret to its location might lie with the captain's old pocket watch, Simon must attempt to get his hands on it, handicapped by a rival gang of thieves, a vengeful government agent, a cranky housekeeper, an annoyingly spunky love interest, and an insane old man whose mutterings concerning the eminent End of the World might be foreshadowing something a bit more disturbing than anyone could imagine.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Violence isn't the answer.

... sometimes.

... It is the question. The answer is 'yes'.

... but I got it wrong on purpose.

... but it's worth a shot anyway.

... but there's no harm in trying. .. er, wait..

... it is the punctuation.

And for those who are a little depressed by the above statements:

... if you think so, you've misunderstood the question.

The Pear: Part two

Now I have frozen the pear. Just for fun. I may eat it tomorrow, after it thaws.

It still looks really tasty, if anyone was wondering.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Pear

Today I found a pear in the gravel parking lot at Green River CC. The cold and the rain had preserved it pretty well, so it was in better shape than you would expect a pear to be after lying in a parking lot for an indefinite amount of time. I picked it up because I always have a pear in my lunch, and since it was sitting just a few feet from my car door, I thought that it might have fallen out of my backpack somehow. It turned out that it hadn't.

After threatening to throw it at a friend of who had parked next to me, I put it in my car. However, I now face a gastronomical dilemma: should I eat it or not? It still looks quite good now that I've scraped off the bits of gravel sticking to it. All you readers out there can comment and tell me whether I should go for it or not, and I will make me choice based off of your sage advice.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Freckles and Life

"Today, in science class, we were discussing genetics, and how two different traits can both appear within someone, like a black-and-white speckled rooster. I thought of how awesome it would be if there were speckled people with polka dots on their faces. I then remembered freckles. MLIA."

The above MLIA is actually pretty interesting if you think about it. How many things exist in normal life that we would think were really cool or abnormal or strange if we hadn't grown up in a world that had always had those things? The answer is pretty much everything, from gravity to cars to feet to oxygen. It only changes depending on your prospective. So the next time you step out the door, think to yourself that not only is the world just as completely and utterly mind-bogglingly, jaw-droppingly awesome as it is boringly normal and dull, but it's also both at the same time


is the word that I have coined to refer to people who are proud of the fact that they are weird. I often find such people annoying, as they usually aren't very weird. They are also usually tweenage girls.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Funniest MLIA in a while

Today, I woke up in a bad mood. While driving to work, there were signs every few blocks saying things like, "Smile," "I love you," or "Have a great day," I smiled looking at them, but didn't give them much more thought. That is, until I saw someone trip over one and faceplant. It certainly made my day. MLIA

Sunday, January 10, 2010


You know how there are different mash-ups of movie quotes online? Someone takes two movies and puts the dialogue of one with the theme of the other in a funny way. Here's an example.

I think it would be even better to have crossovers with the same movie. You could have stuff like:

 "Stop rhyming now! I'm serious!"
 "Anybody want a peanut?"
 "Ha! You fool! I switched words when your back was turned!"

Saturday, January 9, 2010


Who else thinks it would be really funny to go up to a group of people and say, "Hey, what's that phrase that you say after two people say the same thing at the same time?"

After everyone answers, you can yell "Double Jinx!" and get cokes from everyone.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Plan For World Peace

1. Invent time travel.

2. Travel back in time and extract DNA sample from Mother Teresa.

3. Travel forward in time and clone Mother Teresa using advanced technology.

4. Populate world with ten thousand or so Mother Teresas. They will spread peace and comfort wherever they go.

Now, it doesn't have to be Mother Teresa. Gandhi would work, except that he didn't do much besides walk around in his diapers leading people on long walks. Regardless of the person used, this plan would go a long ways towards developing a more peaceful, content world.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Regarding the Squid Picture

As you may or may not have noticed, if you scroll really far down on my blog page and look to the right, you'll see a picture of a squid. I put it on here because I couldn't find a good picture at the point in time at which I happened to be changing my blog and found the ability to add a picture. Without a sensible option, I went with the nonsensical one, and randomly googled the word "squid" and found a picture that way.

Now, there was also an option to include a webpage that can be accessed by clicking on the picture. Once again, I didn't have a sensible webpage. Once again, this didn't stop me. So, if you click on the squid picture, you get a google page. I wanted one that was the google results for something like "Why are you clicking on the squid picture?", but appearently you can't do that. Instead, I got something less funny. Oh well.

Also, isn't this a funny post title? The word "squid" just inherently sounds funny.

Monday, January 4, 2010

And Another Thing...

And Another Thing… is the title of the sixth installment of Douglas Adams's The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy. Since Adams is currently dead, the book was written by Eoin Colfer, author of the Artemis Fowl series. Much as I like Artemis Fowl and all of Eoin's other books, I'm skeptical about this one. Douglas Adams wrote unique books. In fact, the whole basic point of the books was to be weird. I don't think anyone can really replace him, and that's not just a sentimental statement. However, I'm only mostly skeptical. I used to be very skeptical, until I read a plot summary:

The story begins as death rays bear down on Earth, and the characters awaken from a virtual reality. Zaphod picks them up shortly before they're killed, but completely fails to escape the death beams. They are then saved by Bowerick Wowbagger, the Infinitely Prolonged, who they agree to help kill. Zaphod travels to Asgard to get Thor's help. In the meantime, the Vogons are heading to destroy a colony of people who also escaped Earth's destruction, on the planet Nano. Arthur, Wowbagger, Trillian and Random head to Nano to try to stop the Vogons, and on the journey, Wowbagger and Trillian fall in love, making Wowbagger question whether or not he wants to be killed. Zaphod arrives with Thor, who then signs up to be the planet's God. He almost kills Wowbagger, but thanks to Random, he only loses his immortality, and gets married to Trillian. Thor then stops the first Vogon attack, and apparently dies. Meanwhile, Constant Mown, son of Prostetnic Jeltz, convinces his father that the people on the planet are not citizens of Earth, but are, in fact, citizens of Nano, which means that it would be illegal to kill them. As the book draws to a close, Arthur is on his way to check out a possible university for Random, when, during a hyperspace jump, he is flung across alternate universes, has a brief encounter with Fenchurch, and ends up exactly where he'd want to be. And then the Vogons turn up again."

Sounds entertaining and strange enough. But what I really liked was that the title is  taken from the third chapter of So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, where it appears in the following passage:

The storm had now definitely abated, and what thunder there was now grumbled over more distant hills, like a man saying "And another thing…" twenty minutes after admitting he's lost the argument."

This reminds me that Colfer's adding another book a while after the series has died, which I find funny. I suspect that's what Colfer meant by the title as well.

I haven't read the book, so I can't say whether it's any good. In fact, I mostly just made this post so that I wouldn't have a little mindless post about HSM as the first post on the blog page. 


High School Musical 4 comes out this year. Yes, the fourth one. I don't think the world can take this much commercialism... The Mayans were probably off by a few years when they predicted the end of the world in 2012.

Friday, January 1, 2010


I just got a story published in Cicada magazine. Here's a link to an excerpt from it.

I find it funny that they chose it for an issue with the theme of "reaching for the stars", since the story is about how a man games the system in order to reach for physical, earthly, and unsatisfying stars, and the ultimate message of the story is closer to disagreeing with the issue's theme then it is to agreeing with it. ^^ Hehe. I tricked em.