A Joke

An immigrant from the old country came through Ellis Island. As part of a physical exam, he was asked to read a line of letters on an eye chart. Pointing to the fourth row (which contained the letters S Z Q W R E K Z I), the doctor asked, "Can you read these letters?" "Read them?!!" The man exclaimed, "I KNOW the man!"

Ode to the Eyebrow

“And then, the lover sighing like furnace
with a woeful ballad made to his mistress’ eyebrow”,
--Act II, Scene VII from 'As You Like It’, by William Shakespeare



Ode to the Eyebrow

It’s a thin black line on skin so milky
Dances wild like a merry selkie

Constant measures of propriety
often hinting at faux piety

It decorates a mind astute
And in several ways acute

It rises with an air of shocking
It lowers in teasing or mocking

Always flippant, oozing style
The only brow I’ve seen smile

And an extra verse that didn't fit the rest of the poem:

It volleys forth, it sallies back
It wriggles like a worm on crack

Eyebrow Wiggling

I wiggle my eyebrows a lot. In fact, I often move them constantly and involuntarily. Don't believe me? Just stare at my face the next time you see me. Actually, don't. That would be creepy.

Anyway... just last month, I got in trouble with my senior picture photographer. Every time he tried to take a picture, I would move my eyebrows by accident. After he told me to stop, I tried. I really did. However, I kept wiggling them another ten or twelve times. Sometimes it was the left one, or the right, or both together. For me, wiggling eyebrows is almost as bad a habit as cracking knuckles or snapping gum, just a little less obvious. Luckily for me, family photographers, like my senior picture guy, have good tempers, and we managed to get a set of decent shots eventually.

The moral of the story: Let your left eyebrow know what your right eyebrow is doing. And don't give them lives of their own.