A Snippet, part 2

"Contrary to popular belief, a male can occasionally use the term 'I love you' when referring to a member of the same sex. Two stipulations must be strictly adhered to, however. First, the two must be close friends. There is no definitive measurement for this, but a good rule of thumb for the speaker to keep in mind is a willingness to take a bullet for his friend.
Second, and perhaps most important of all, the phrase must always be followed by the word 'man.' (If at all possible, the emphasis should be on 'man' rather than on 'love' or 'you.') Failure to include this one word may easily result in the dissolution of the friendship in question."

A Snippet

"Men, on the other hand, are complete opposites. The only occasion that could possibly bring one of them to tears would be a particularly violent decapitation, and even then, he wouldn't cry since his eyes would be missing by that point. Perhaps he would punch the air sadly."

Set the critique meters to "scathing"

Here's a song subtly critiquing high school romances. Or praising them. It's tough to tell.





Also, why do the words "scathing" and "critique" go together so often? Who decided that one?

An Insult

Yesterday, my parents worked together on a zinger for me:

Me: I’ll watch Thor all by myself, and then come back and reenact it for the whole family.
Isaac: I don’t think you’re as buff as Thor is.
Me: I beg to differ.
Mom: Oh, there’s no need. We all know you and Thor differ...
Dad: ...and you don’t need to beg for it.

See? It’s a perfectly choreographed one-two punch. I’d be insulted if I weren’t so proud of them.

http://ifbyhappyyoumeanderanged.blogspot.com/2010/05/may-day.html

Reasons Why Forks Are Better Than Spoons

1) When you come to a fork in the road, you can take it. Not so with the spoon.

2) You can use the side of a fork as a very dull knife blade, in order to cut things. Spoons are tougher, and cut things into semi-circles rather than straight.

3) You can threaten people much more effectively with a fork.

4) You can go out at night forking a house. People tend to shy away from spooning it.

5) If you like eating things that rhyme with your utinsel, you have a nice staple: pork. Spoon users only have loon, which I hear is pretty nasty. Also, tough to eat with a spoon.

6) The devil would look pretty lame carrying around a pitchSPOON.

7) Thugs don't sound as confident when they say "Spoon it over."

8) There is no spoon.

Do a barrel roll!

see more Gifs

Hundred Dollar Bill

   I just had an interesting experience... Yesterday, while studying for my research paper on tricksters in folklore, I found an African American tale about a guy who kept a one hundred dollar bill in his pocket solely so that he could offer it to pay for a 50 cent haircut. When the barber couldn't give him change for a hundred bucks, the guy would get away without paying anything since it was technically the barber who couldn't pay.
   Then, today, I attended a swing dance that cost a dollar at the door. All I had was a twenty, and the cashier couldn't change it, so he let me in free. The trick works in real life!

Gravity Train

A gravity train is a theoretical means of transportation intended to go between two points on the surface of a sphere, following a straight tunnel that goes directly from one point to the other through the interior of the sphere.

In a large body such as a planet, this train could be left to accelerate using just the force of gravity, since, during the first half of the trip (from the point of departure until the middle), the downwards pull towards the center of gravity would pull it towards the destination. During the second half of the trip, the acceleration would be in the opposite direction relative to the trajectory, but (ignoring the effects of friction) the speed acquired before would be enough to cancel this deceleration exactly (so that the train would reach its destination with speed equal to zero).

--Wikipedia

I think the most interesting aspect of this is the fact that it would only take 42 minutes to travel to the other side of the earth. Especially given the significance of the number 42.

Says Tom to Bill, pray tell me, sir,
Why is it that the devil,
In spite of all his naughty ways,
Can never be uncivil?

Says Bill to Tom, the answer’s plain
To any mind that’s bright:
Because the imp of darkness, sir,
Can ne’er be imp o’ light.

– Charles Carroll Bombaugh, Gleanings for the Curious From the Harvest-Fields of Literature, 1890