Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Pear: Part 5

And now, dear readers, we come to the chilling, thrilling, and twist-end-spilling conclusion of the Pear Saga. This final chapter will have you glued to year seats! It's dramatic! It's hilarious! It's heartwarming! And yes, it's groovy, too!

Ready? Reeeady?

So there I was one night, thinking to myself... "That poll's been over with for over a week now. I really should do something." The poll results, for those of you incapable of looking three and a half inches to the poll on your right, were 6 votes in favor of pear consumption, and five votes in favor of pear protection and release into the wild.

So, by a slim margin, the indiscriminate Powers That Be have determined Lemuel the pear's death by molars. I decided to do something about it, and so dug Lem out from the freezer, in which he had been frozen for about two weeks. He was rock solid, and well-frosted, so I stuck him in the fridge to thaw while I was at school.

Here comes the twist ending, which those of you with either preceptive minds, mothers, or perhaps even both, may already be able to guess.

My mom threw it out.

When questioned, she gave the reason behind her action as, and I quote, "It was turning black." I must admit that this is a strong argument for Lem's burial in compost. And, since I had actually placed two votes myself in favor of eating, which may have conceivably skewed the results, I have decided to officially settle for the runner-up at the poll and allow Lemuel the escape into his natural habitat that he so richly deserves.

I hope that we can all keep Lem in our hearts and minds, and, as I close what has proven to be a scintillating and informational epic, I say these words to that lone pear, now alone at last to rot in the no doubt exhilarating comfort of decomposing vegetables: Good night, and good luck.


  1. Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    You didn't eat the pear
    Like we told you to?! >.<

    Well, Ewen sends his condolences to Lemuel anyway...x.x

  2. At least my work was worthy of a rhyming couplet.