Wind farms

I think it would be very funny to tell little kids that all wind is created by wind farms. You know, those long rows of giant windmills on rural hilltops. They spin around and generate the wind that goes all over the world.

Then you could wait and see how long it took them to realize that it wasn't true. You could even measure it against other things like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny!

Clue: an addendum

I just remembered an amusing anecdote related to the poem from my last post. 


When I originally showed it to Evan, he wasn't very gung-ho about it. In fact, being the straight-forward guy that he is, he was clear to tell me that it was pretty lame. I was surprised and disappointed at this, since, like I said, it's my personal favorite of the poems I've written. However, after I questioned him for a while, I discovered why he didn't like it: he didn't realize that it was based off of the game Clue. Apparently, he's never played it or even heard of it. 


I was very (0.o) about this turn of events, as I'm pretty sure that Clue is one of the most famous board games ever. It's at least in the top ten, below Monopoly but above Scrabble. I guess Chess and Checkers are probably at the top... but I digress. After I explained to Evan what Clue was, he grudgingly admitted that my poem was a bit funnier in context. Still, I suspect that his lack of enthusiasm has greatly slowed the process of transition from poem to song. Hopefully, I can twist his arm a bit when summer comes along, and he doesn't have as much work.

Get a Clue

Clue

It's a dark and stormy night

At the home of Mr Boddy

He has six guests and

one of them was naughty

With a scuffle in the dark

And a murder most iconic

Mr Boddy's surname has 

Proven quite ironic

It's a terrible mystery

The burden falls on you

To solve the crime of history

You need to get a clue

As investigators go you

Are not as smart as most

When it comes to forensics

You are dumber than a post

Cuz you can't tell by looking

Which weapon did him in

Was it a gunshot or a stabbing

Or those rope burns on his chin?

The time has come for questioning

In vain they filibustered

You march them all into the Hall

And start with Colonel Mustard

You question him with relish

But his intellect is slow

You try to make him catch up

But he's Mustard as you know

You move on to Mrs Peacock

And it's clear she's feeling blue

But she's a proud old bird

And does not provide a clue

Next up is Miss Scarlett 

clad in the color she loves

Red-handed but that's a herring

She's only wearing her gloves

Mrs White is white with fright

And so is Mr Green

In contrast with Professor Plum

Who seems so peachy-keen

You find a secret passage

As the night draws on

But the crime is yet unsolved

And now it's nearing dawn

You riffle through the study

And then you find a paper

You finally have the clue you need

To solve this dreadful caper

None of the guests are guilty

The culprit has another face

It turns out Mr Boddy 

owned Boardwalk and Park Place

The culprit wears a top hat

And seeks monopoly

And though you send him straight to jail

he just might get out free

This is one of my favorites out of all the poems I've written. I'm hoping that I can get Evan to make a song out of it. 

Tag Questions?

I'm writing my own tag because I prefer answering it to answering other people's. I'll still answer those other ones, though. Sometime.

My point is, can anybody think of any questions I can ask? I already have all types of questions, from deep to interesting to entertaining to randomly weird. More in the "interesting" category would be good.

Zeno

       I've always been fond of logic puzzles, riddles, jokes, and paradoxes. In fact, a few years ago, I scoured the internet and printed out about 70 pages of them, which I read for fun in my free time. The only reason I don't still do that is because I no longer have any "free time". Paradoxes are fascinating, because they're tough to wrap a mind around, and I've always liked wrapping. Mentally, anyway. I always try to get someone else to do my Christmas presents. Anyway, now that I have a blog, I might post some of my favorites.

      Today I'll talk about Zeno's paradoxes. I couldn't find my paradox papers, so I mostly used Wikipedia. I am unashamed.

      Zeno of Elea (not to be confused with Zeno of Citium, who came later and didn't do much worth blogging about) was a Greek philosopher of Southern Italy around 450 BC. He was pre-Socratic, a word which here means "less cool then Socrates due in part to putting more emphasis on rationality". But he was still pretty cool.

     He had nine paradoxes, most of which centered around the same concept, so I'll just give a couple examples to illustrate it.

    "In the paradox of Achilles and the Tortoise, Achilles is in a footrace with the tortoise. Achilles allows the tortoise a head start of 100 metres. If we suppose that each racer starts running at some constant speed (one very fast and one very slow), then after some finite time, Achilles will have run 100 metres, bringing him to the tortoise's starting point. During this time, the tortoise has run a much shorter distance, say, 10 metres. It will then take Achilles some further time to run that distance, by which time the tortoise will have advanced farther; and then more time still to reach this third point, while the tortoise moves ahead. Thus, whenever Achilles reaches somewhere the tortoise has been, he still has farther to go. Therefore, because there are an infinite number of points Achilles must reach where the tortoise has already been, he can never overtake the tortoise."




       So there it is. Zeno has proven that Archilles will never pass the tortoise. In fact, this wouldn't even look like a paradox except for the fact that it's obviously wrong. We can show it to be wrong with a demonstration. But can you disprove Zeno?


       Here's the other example of a similar paradox, using the same concept.

     "Suppose Homer wants to catch a stationary bus. Before he can get there, he must get halfway there. Before he can get halfway there, he must get a quarter of the way there. Before traveling a fourth, he must travel one-eighth; before an eighth, one-sixteenth; and so on. This description requires one to complete an infinite number of tasks, which Zeno maintains is an impossibility. This sequence also presents a second problem in that it contains no first distance to run, for any possible (finite) first distance could be divided in half, and hence would not be first after all. Hence, the trip cannot even begin. The paradoxical conclusion then would be that travel over any finite distance can neither be completed nor begun, and so all motion must be an illusion."


     If nothing else, it's a good explanation for why you skipped school. "It wasn't my fault, I just discovered that all motion is an illusion."

It's true because it's true

Tapeworm Test

I just found a quiz online that lets you figure out how many tapeworms your body can support.

http://theoatmeal.com/quiz/tapeworm_host

I can only support one. :(

The Third Blog

Now I have another blog. This one is in order to help me pick up the pace on writing the novel that I made my New Year's Resolution about over on this post. Since I need to finish the novel, and I'm not even half of the way through, I thought a little peer pressure would help me along. It works well for NaNoWriMo, so it should work here.


http://newgroundport.blogspot.com/


My blog updates once a week, every Monday. I made it available only to people that I invite, both so that every nut out there with a copy-and-paste button on his computer won't be able to steal it, and so that any future publishers won't consider it previously published. I've already sent invitations to everyone who's following me. Except Will Hall. Sorry, Will, I don't have your email... If you, anyone else who reads this blog, or anyone whom any of you know would appreciate my writing wants an invitation, just ask me.

Self-referencing

Today, I shall impart to all you readers a word of wisdom regarding humor. Specifically, it's a commonly used and formulaic type of joke which is easy to come up with, but makes the joke-teller appear witty and, therefore, intelligent.

I called it the self-referencing joke.

To use it, the joke-teller will have to be listening to a conversation about some topic. This is fairly easy, as most conversations involve topics. However, once the appropriate topic swings around, the joke-teller will then introduce that subject into the conversation while talking about the same subject. Since you probably didn't understand quite what I meant, there, I'll give examples: When discussing sarcasm, the joker could say, "Oh, sarcasm is soooo funny". When talking about repetition, he could say, "I don't repeat things. I don't repeat things." So the conversation becomes self-referencing because the subject being discussed was also used within the conversation.

This doesn't work with some subjects, like 'elephants', which can't be incorporated into a conversation unless you happen to have a spare in your pocket. Which would make it a surreal joke as well as self-referencing. Common subjects also won't work, since they aren't funny, so don't try 'joking' or 'talking' ("Hey, everybody, looks like we're just talking! ... Get it? ")

I think that people find this funny because they have to think about it for a second before they can put two and two together. This also makes the joke-teller seem intelligent, even though it's a bit easier to implement the mechanics behind a self-referencing joke then it is to understand it.

Personally, I don't think that they're very funny. Anybody can understand how they work, and once they do, the joke becomes predictable. Predictability is the bane of humor. Remember, this joke was originally funny because it was required thinking. It gave the brain a double-take. But someone who recognizes how they work can guess when they're going to be used almost before the joker opens his mouth. There are a few clever ways to do it ("Hey, everybody, I'm telling a self-referencing joke right now!"), so I don't categorically hate it. But the simpler form of the joke still pretty dumb. That said, I make that type of joke fairly often. After all, most people do think that it's clever, and it tends to slip off the tongue easily, probably because it's so easy to predict. But I'm trying to cut back on it. Can't have people thinking I'm intelligent unless they have due cause.




Post Scriptum: To those of you wondering when the title of the blog post here would, as promised in the tiny white text at the bottom of the post, make sense: The post was an example of self-referencing. I had hoped to write this post sooner, so that it would be closer to that one, but it was not to be. Oh well. I like it a bit better this way.... it makes my blog seem layered. Yay!

Adventures in Babysitting

        Today, I babysat several kids for my once-a-month volunteer work at Vision House, a non-profit organization for homeless single moms and their kids.

         At one point, fairly early on, one of the kids suddenly stood up with an expression of mild shock on his face, and said "Where's my mommy?" Since this is both a common occurrence and something that can easily escalate into a river of tears and mucus, I decided to put a stop to it. "Here's your mommy," I told him, holding up a little plastic muffin.

        To my surprise, he took it, saying happily to himself, "It's my mommy!" This cheered me considerably. I wish all toddlers could be pacified with plastic muffins. The world would be a quieter place.

Things to Remember:

The Alamo

The Titans

The fifth of November

The Maine

The name

Time-traveling

The concept of traveling through time is an endless source of ideas to me. There are just so many different ways to play around with it. Today, I came up with a new one. Here's the transcription from the note that I took on the bus today.


A human gene travels backwards in time. Therefore, people can get it at birth without cause, as long as they randomly marry each other in the future so that their kids can give them the gene. Also, it should mutate quickly and degenerate quickly, so that it will menace the world within a few generations. In order to stop it, our heroes must create it so that it won't exist anymore.



Sadly, it's only a concept, not a story plot, but it's entertaining enough to make me giggle. I should be able to come up with a plot to go with it soon.

Cupressaceae

Is there a cooler word than "Hypnotoxin"? It's like two edgy and mysterious-sounding words slapped together.


I guess Hoodle is a pretty good word, too... And so's Kilomegacycle. There are just a large amount of cool obscure words in the world.

Facebooking

A while back, I found a random message online. If I remember correctly, it had been created by a computer, which was trying to replicate a human being. It came out sounding like a very strange, mostly likely drunk, person. I liked the email a lot, and since it was addressed to a "Jordon", I decided to post it on the Facebook wall of a friend of mine with the same name. One of my close friends, Evan, then proceeded to post a comment that continued the same style of unhinged, pointless writing. We then made a thirty-something long conversation in that style. I have reproduced it below for your viewing enjoyment.

Adam: Hello Jordan!
They come of their own free will. Imagine my horror! I'll have some news for the boy. Golz said it could be. There are your pension papers. She must have alluded to her father.Again I fought for breath. We'll weather it yet between them. I'll tell her. That's why I pushed you into him. It will probably never be accounted for. There was little mistaking its meaning. Zane caught himself. There were some honest misguided people. Nothing could hurt him.His eyes were friendly too. Then came the geyser. I'll keep space up to midnight. It was a Fascist Patrol coming home. Reginald Bell began to act. The old man was right. You have no need to fear. But it did no good. What is the matter?What did you write? He could not afford to choose randomly. There were definite limits. Maybe it is ugly. We are all thy family. He opened the door and walked in. Cut it out and take it. What can they be? Zane's eye traveled around the room.

Adam

This is as it should be. Never say that it won't.

06 November 2009 at 22:34 · 

Evan

Without such, all is for nothing.

06 November 2009 at 22:40

Adam 

But in us, no one can let go of the moment.

06 November 2009 at 22:41 · 

Evan 

Then, there must be one left; and who can say which way the compass aims?

06 November 2009 at 22:42

Evan

In the end, our minds must err...

06 November 2009 at 22:45

Adam 

And to err is the undoing of all that we tried at first.

06 November 2009 at 22:48 · 

Evan

In this, we find our sole lesson. Thus, the circle closes.

06 November 2009 at 22:50

Adam 

At this news, tears came from my face. The day was collapsed, lost in my soul.

06 November 2009 at 22:55 · 

Evan

Could it be, that after all this, she was alone by my hand? Tense, afraid, and never more ready to let myself fall...

06 November 2009 at 22:55

Adam 

I picked a single rose, watching the petals rip and the movement cease.

06 November 2009 at 22:59 · 

Evan

We are but figures of our minds, sinking into the sands of time...

06 November 2009 at 23:03

Adam 

...with no grasp to know where our threads of reason birthed.

06 November 2009 at 23:04 · 

Evan 

Tick tock! There never was such a place that could stop the widening of the gorge or seperation. Thee and thy, were the structures in my mind, the words! I longed for the moonlight to feel me again.

06 November 2009 at 23:06

Adam 

And so I was lost. And yet... The petals were won, one by one.

06 November 2009 at 23:09 · 

Evan 

I could have sworn I knew the answer. But that was then. Was the doorway really open? The puzzle pieces were all I needed to see why I was the victim and the murder, roped and wrapped into one solitary shard.

06 November 2009 at 23:11

Adam

...and then, I remembered her face, her touch...and when I remembered her name, why! Then, I felt entrapped, a statue in the sands of time. I remembered what I had always called her by, every night...

06 November 2009 at 23:18 · 

Evan 

YOUR MOM!

06 November 2009 at 23:20

Adam 

YOUR MOM!

06 November 2009 at 23:20 · 

Jordan

I have nothing to say.

07 November 2009 at 06:58

World's hardest riddle?

I came across this self-described "World's Hardest Riddle" today:

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

Naturally, being a curious guy, I thought about it for a minute and then googled it. There were some good-sounding answers, like "time" or "pressure", but this was my favorite answer:

the ANSWER MUST BE PONIES, IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT FITS

Everyone knows that ponies paint the polar bears white

Ponies make you cry if they stand on you

Ponies make boys have to pee after they have gone for a long ride

Ponies make girls comb their hair because when they were little they had my little ponies and they would always comb their hair, so now they just comb their own hair

Ponies make celebrities look stupid when they fall on them

Normal people look like celebrities when they ride round on ponies in downtown LA, coz only a celebrity would have a pony in downtown LA

Ponies make pancakes turn brown because they dont like them green

Ponies make champagne bubble by the complex process of carbonation (please refer to wikipedia for more details)

If you squeeze a pony with two bulldozers, it will pop

If you look at a pony the wrong way, they will sit on you, and make you pop.


My best guess is that the answer to the riddle is "no".

The 29th

Why don't they call the other three years "leap" years? After all, those are the years that we get to leap over the 29th day of February.